This is no longer a game of hide and seek, whispering into arms, scurrying behind backs, smoking in the dark, stealing kisses by the dozen, leaving bruises, imprints of eager teeth on trembling skin.
of the rustle of her hair against the receiver. of size five shoes restless, worn out soles. of a sigh, half a liter escaping from her stale lips, apologetic and clear, hesitant to drop bladed words, unwilling to cut through the murmuring static of heartbeats faded.
Tama. Tama ka. Tama ka nga. Tama kang dapat tayo. Tama kang dapat tayo—ikaw at ako—ngayon. Tama kang dapat tayo ngayon, ngunit maling panahon. Tama kang dapat tayo ngayon ngunit sayang dahil sa maling panahon. Tamang tao pero sa maling panahon—ako at ikaw—tayo. May mali nga bang panahon kung sa tamang tao? Maling panahon; maling oras, maling tiyempo. Maling panahon tayo. Mali tayo. Mali to. Mali.
on the moon, my last breath caught in my throat; bottled in smoldering lungs, holding on to the remaining pocket of air you and I shared with our last kiss; a ghost’s whisper, broken strands of summers spent kissing the sunlight off your fingers, nights dreaming of love you could not accept. I wake up on the moon, my heart cold in your hands and my last breath still warm on another woman’s skin.
Ha, how pathetic can I get, begging for someone to stay with me. Pathetic for hoping that they will. Pathetic for expecting someone will ever just stick around like that for me like it’s so easy. Pathetic for existing for nothing. Pathetic for believing that one day someone will see my worth. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. I’m never going to be good enough. I’m worthless. Worthless piece of shit soul. No-good-for-nothing guy. Shall-die-to-save-everyone-the-trouble guy. Dead guy.
I want to give you more than stars already spoken for, more than stars that are already named and renamed for, more than the colors in another’s eyes. They hang in the sky like a tent of used bed sheets. So forget the stars, and the men and women who have already claimed them. You deserve better.
If I were to pilfer the words of poets far more romantic and eloquent than me, recite them to you in your sleep and copy them on our bed sheets, I could only hope that the echoes of silence while you dream will be filled with ways I could love you.
Although if I promise to you all that I cannot give and give what is not mine, my love would have made a liar of me. When my love for you has only made me see how little I have, how beyond these two hands and half broken heart, I have nothing else to offer. My love for you, my love, has brought out the human in me.
I can promise you amnesty for the past and my heart for today and that tomorrow will come and if one day you do not wake, know a part of me has died with you.
Breathe me in breath me out. Let me fill your lungs just like how smoke from your cigarette does the trick. Let me stain your teeth with nicotine and have you in my mouth tasting like ashtrays and fags. Keep me in keep me out. Let me build you up then destroy you down. I’m going to be the greatest mistake you’ll ever commit. But I’ll also be the greatest experience you’ll never forget.
It’s been a little while since I have written to you, and I apologize for that. In the past couple of weeks, I have felt a little lost without you and wasn’t inspired enough to write.
Just know that I’ll never give up on love, and I will be waiting till the day that I have you. I still long for the mornings I roll over and smell your scent on the sheets just before I catch a glimpse of your amazing smile. I still long to sit on the couch curled up with you with a cup of tea, having endless conversations about life and whatever other random topics may come up. I still long to make you smile and laugh. In my vision, I see us cuddle while having movie marathons. I’ll cook for you and sing the highest notes to you. I’ll grab your hand tightly so you know I care, then I’ll lighten up to trace your finger tips with mine. It will never matter where we go or what we do, because I’m perfectly happy with you by my sidde. Everything you do will makes me feel completely content with life. I can kiss you, hold you, and run my fingers through your hair, and it will always feel like it’s the first time it happened. I can caress your face and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, because each day I’ll find a new thing to love about you and will want to share it with you.
I still long for those days to come true.
I promise I’m going to do what it takes to gain your heart and trust. I will put my entire soul and being into making sure that you feel loved and appreciated every single day. I will always be sure to remind you of how amazing and beautiful you are. I will make sure to always put a smile to your lovely face. Someone like you will never deserve anything short of that. I’ll never give up on you and support you through the good, and the bad, and the unexpected. I will love you always and forever till the day I die.
Ginising ako ni Bathala gamit ang init at nakakasilaw na liwanag ni haring araw.
Dahan-dahan kong imunulat ang aking mga mata, umaasang baka sakaling nasa tabi pa kita.
Sana nga panaginip lang ang lahat.
Babangon akong may guhit ng ngiti sa aking mga labi dahil sa iyong napakahimbing na pagkakahimlay sa kamang pinuno mo ng mala-bahagharing kulay.
Subalit ang aking mga ngiti’y napawi, pilit hinahaplos ang mga mala-sultang bakas na iyong mainit na katawan na iniwan sa ating mumunting paraiso. Isang paraisong parisukat, na gawa sa tela, kutson, at pag-ibig.
When I look into your eyes, they are like falling skies. So bright in the sunrise, so calm in the sunsets. They speak unspoken words, colliding with our worlds, taking a slice of my heart that seems to fit in every part. You are the sun, the moon, even the thunder and rain. You are the air, the land, even the earthquakes and hurricane. You send me flying above and you pull me so easily undone. My love which is made from flesh and blood is all yours to take. Be my lighthouse. Be my heartbeat. Be my life.