My mind drifts away somewhere, as memories beckoned to be noticed, to be remembered. And at once, a strand of you resurfaces ashore, from a sea of drowned forgotten ones, left there to inevitably die. I remember everything in swift suddenness, and my heartbeats race with my breathing. You,
with little hint of light, beautifully washed with the colors of midnight. Your eyes, signaling the passage of night, as they close and decide to linger in complete darkness. It takes me back to the coldness of your lips whispering the poetry of breathing to my ear. A song, your lips pursed, your lips leaving me marks of you, all saying never forget, never forget, never forget. Your body blanketed on mine, your warmth like firewood to my winter days. In calculated tempos, I imagine our fingers waltzing across the pathways of our skin, already bridged through contact.
My mind never forgets you, my skin never forgets you, my eyes never forget you, my hands never forget you, my everything never forgets you.
Goodbye doesn’t really mean goodbye. For me, it’s just a shorter version of “see you soon” and “the friendship doesn’t end here” because humans are lazy to give long speeches - we end up summarazing our sentiments into one word, never really saying what we mean to say.
Despite the numerous photos, videos, and memorabilia we try to keep - they will always be physical copies - nothing could replace undocumented memories of every moment life was lived through our eyes. Memories are the statues we build in our minds in dedication of something remarkable, statues made of the strongest of braincells that can never erode.
I also believe that a person could never forget - we could be preoccupied, we could always make new memories - but the ones we’ve made will always be stored into a big room of requirement that will expand as the need comes along. There will be other stories, but this book will remain open, ready for more.
This is not the end of a book, just one breathtaking chapter.
So here’s a not-so-complete list of my gay-themed movies (again, I don’t really like labeling something with ‘gay’ but what can I do) and I’ve provided some download links (torrent or ddl) plus pictures!!! to whoever is interested. There are movies which don’t have links because that was when megaupload wasn’t dead and/or mediafire was a heaven unlike now with its errors and shit. I haven’t watched all of them yet (but you’re free to ask me whatever) so I don’t know lol you can just Google them before downloading or something and help me seed, goddammit.
This is no longer a game of hide and seek, whispering into arms, scurrying behind backs, smoking in the dark, stealing kisses by the dozen, leaving bruises, imprints of eager teeth on trembling skin.
of the rustle of her hair against the receiver. of size five shoes restless, worn out soles. of a sigh, half a liter escaping from her stale lips, apologetic and clear, hesitant to drop bladed words, unwilling to cut through the murmuring static of heartbeats faded.
Tama. Tama ka. Tama ka nga. Tama kang dapat tayo. Tama kang dapat tayo—ikaw at ako—ngayon. Tama kang dapat tayo ngayon, ngunit maling panahon. Tama kang dapat tayo ngayon ngunit sayang dahil sa maling panahon. Tamang tao pero sa maling panahon—ako at ikaw—tayo. May mali nga bang panahon kung sa tamang tao? Maling panahon; maling oras, maling tiyempo. Maling panahon tayo. Mali tayo. Mali to. Mali.
on the moon, my last breath caught in my throat; bottled in smoldering lungs, holding on to the remaining pocket of air you and I shared with our last kiss; a ghost’s whisper, broken strands of summers spent kissing the sunlight off your fingers, nights dreaming of love you could not accept. I wake up on the moon, my heart cold in your hands and my last breath still warm on another woman’s skin.
Ha, how pathetic can I get, begging for someone to stay with me. Pathetic for hoping that they will. Pathetic for expecting someone will ever just stick around like that for me like it’s so easy. Pathetic for existing for nothing. Pathetic for believing that one day someone will see my worth. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. I’m never going to be good enough. I’m worthless. Worthless piece of shit soul. No-good-for-nothing guy. Shall-die-to-save-everyone-the-trouble guy. Dead guy.